I a night a didn't think would go well, goes well

Expectations determine impressions. I had an expectation that I would not enjoy myself. But through the course of the night things panned out towards an almost cliche positivity. There were group hugs involved.

I went to the waldorf. A hotel that was converted into a club that is frequented by the privelege-y hip. And they had a k-pop night tonight. I had pretty high expectations. They were playing my countries music. Even if it isnt to my normal music tastes, i supported it for the fact that i support korean things that are slightly progressive. Kpop in a hipster venue is pretty progressive. I assumed that k-pop was going to be this new post ironic movement in my city. i imagined a wide set of people grooving along to some catchy music that they did not understand. I was wrong.

People didnt know how to interpert it.* correction* the privelgy "hip" didnt know how to interperty it, Also the Dj essentialy played some fuckin playlist that was probably titled, Kpop 2011 mix, and had absolutely no skills. There was no beat drop. He fuckin paused. I think people deserve a little more respect then that. I can play music on my computer too man. what got me the most was the fact that he was grooving with his computer. BUT HE WASNT DOING ANYTHING EXCEPT PRESSING PLAY. What an idiot. ONLY SAMANTHA RONSON CAN GET AWAY WITH PLAYING THERE MP3 player! ANyways the k-pop room was almost empty and inhabited by an asian set who would not usually frequent this kind of establishment. Endearing but kind of sad too. The other room was worse. They played soul and r&b ( which i really enjoy) but they did it mindlessly. people settled for this room by forsaking the other. I was kind of insulted. Luckily my friends knew what was up. Thank god for them being aware. Ascene of geeky asians grooving along to k-pop which they genuinly enjoy is better then white people throwing there hands up in this faux bourgeouse emrcaement of urban music. Your not urban. And ironic shit is over so you guys just look lame.

In any case we let the beat drop. and me and my freinds embraced kpop and eventually the room filled out. they all have good taste and am happy i came out.

4:30 AM, Haruki Murakami, and my projected life.

As of Now

Hi. I can't go to bed. Alot, of thoughts are running through my head and I feel anxious. It's different from when I was younger. Or maybe it's the same. Or maybe in my attempts to distance myself from the "past (youth)" I'm trying to negotiate some sort of future(adulthood) which renders (once) familiar feelings foreign. Regardless. I'm going to channel this into some half assed blog post that I can refer to later. I hope you enjoy this future Ricky ( and readers).

I've been thinking a lot these days about the book, The Wind Up Bird Chronicles, by my dear friend, Haruki Murakami.

Have you read it? If you haven't its basically about a timid (steady) man who quits his job, in a sort of mid life crisis, and ends up spending his days listening to Bach as he makes pasta (al dente). His cat suddenly goes missing. So does his wife. Eventually a myriad of strange characters appear offering to help, inquire, and challenge the steady man. The man slowly starts to deteriorate. The man is inevitably left physically (and figuratively) all alone.To reclaim what is his, he must journey through his own consciousness to rescue his wife and himself from desolation.

This being my first Murakami book my mind became really wobbly. It felt like taking LCD. What struck me about the book was it's juxtaposition between the banal and the eerie. But it was different from David Lynch ( i know it was written before eraser head was even out so yea....take that Lynch) . It isn't being ironic or self referential like Twin Peaks. Instead, in my opinion, it's about the process of losing yourself and reclaiming it. Very straightforward. but so complicated. The book creates a dichotomy between the tangible and the subconscious. He is speaking on the idea that tangible life can be false, and the subconscious can be truth. Two people can start to emerge from this division. I really liked this notion of the divided self and I am very happy I discovered this BOOK.

But, I feel like i've been through this process. The process of the divided self. The process of creating distance to discover truth. So much of the last three years was a teeter totter of self fluctuations. Bouts of pretension masking insecurities. Basically my Murakami novel would read, that an insecure and very lonely and emotional kid tried to find power and meaning through superflourious routes. This created further distance from him and all those around him. He moved to London and desicrated his mind and was very close to losing himself all together. He came back home to a familiar life which he wish felt unfamiliar. Characters emerged and he was able to reclaim his essence. But today, he stands at a computer at 430 am with different anxieties.

I know who I am. I've reclaimed a lot of things this past year. But I'm scared of making choices that could possibly break me again. This has made me stronger but at the price of loneliness. I'm not a strong person and it doesn't take much to push me over. I want to do so much with my life. I know what i want to do with my life. But it isn't necessarily something i can tangibly spit out. That makes me worried. Because after this journey of the subconscious Im now looking for the tangible. I want something real.

Current Profile Ate Ricky

Name: Ricky Choi

Location: Montreal

Weight:A little bit heavier then I would like.

Height: 5'5

Status: Long Distance Relationship. He's very nice.

Mood: Messy.

Reading: Wanting to read. I don't read enough. It makes me kind of anxious.

Doing: Learning French. Inspiration.

Hair: Longer. Dyed. Bangs.

Want: Organization. More linear purpose. To be better in class. Not taking myself so seriously. To relax.

Don't Want: Spending long periods of time with people in my class. Being wasteful.Being lazy.

Looking forward to: More travel. Organizing the messy compartments.

Love Ate Ricky

So, yeah :)

Sleep Ate Ricky

I was at a Waves Coffee on Hastings. Looking for Purpose.

Roaming the web.

I Remembered.

Even when your tired, life goes on and you can still push through.

Happy Valentines Day Ate Brenda who Ate Ricky

After going out this weekend i realized that i miss music like this. Vancouver climax is too predictable. The company was really good though.And people in vancouver are way happier maybe not as privy to a more acute level of pleasure and pain though?

MASS GENERALIZATION.

Anyways this song is amazing. Listen. dance. Smile. AND LOVE YOURSELF

Fade ate Ricky

I lIke Mark Ronson.

BUT

I like cute korean boys more though.

My Top 3 Mens Fall 2011 shows Ate Ricky

GOGO GADGET JILL SANDERS!

Brenda Ate Ricky: Japan

R: What's Japanese?

B: Minimal Japo parisian pastries, Power R, Manga,COMME, Logos, weird porn, complicated subway system, pretty classic japanese hair style, Tsunami Block print

R: I agree.

Ricky Ate TRailer TRash circa 09

Retrospective ate Ricky

From My Old BlOG

dear karl: stories

I try to put my life into a narrative sometimes. Like the kind of stories you see in tv or movies. A story that has structure. But life isn't always like a narrative. I think maybe a lot of ppl struggle and get saf when they can't seem to make sense of their life and put it into like a story for someone to just follow and enjoy. Life for pessimists is often the case of being born living then dying. I guess we all know the begining and end but its the livong part that doesn't always follow that story. Maybe its just random and sporatic. Maybe we suiffer trying to make sense of it?


I don't think my life is some story I can just chronicle and tell ppl. Bc if I truy to do that it isn't really life its just a structure that I formulated so u can follow along.

My Top 3 Mens Fall 2011 shows Ate Ricky

Maison Martin Margiela:

(haha this font is a bit too margiela)

I used to REALLY try and like margiela in my "trying to be dark and innovative" phase.

For first time, I truly love love love all the clothes.

everything is wearable. I never knew margiela could be so frickin wearable. Usually his mens collections are either really conceptual ( hair or paper as fabric) or too minimal and wierdly structured. The whole collection was just different and inspired .

Who styled this show? too good.

+ casting for this show was too perfect. Definitely BEST casting alongside Alexander. These are the kind of men i envision wearing margiela.

Like pale easter european intellectual types. Tolstoy and kafka sooo margiela.

Such smart details like the asymmetrical fur trim double breasts and teh distressed boots are vury classy.

I love loose trousers these days. Im finding the more casual feeeling ( especially on men) to be more luxurious maybe less try hard and just like " yeah i dont care but i do' . ya

The material on the vest ++++ and im also into fur this season but more less showy fur jackets rather then pimp or twinky.

The gloves are BAD ASS. It looks like there his hands soooo amazing and the boots are just soooo tasteful liek wow margiela !

EVERYTHING !

My favourite look. Because so many details but everything on the whole is minimal in the way it comes across. Showy but not flashy. It doesn't scream like " I AM A FASHION PERSON" its more just effortless.

SIMPLE +NICE DETAILS- i wanna dress like thsi once i start becoming like profesional

My Top 3 Mens Fall 2011 shows Ate Ricky

Dries Van Noten. I like this collection a lot because its like badass with a capital B ( Badass) but he uses like wool and cream and blue!

I like collections that exude that kind strength without having to resort to distorting or deliberately deconstructing the fabrics SO much. tasteful. but not boring or overly minimal.

David Bowie was a big inspiration for him for this show ( which was surprising) because Mr Noten said something in the lines of " i wanted to do collection that was glamorous but not feminine."

The models hair was very cool - slicked back and red ~ tribute to hwite duke era.

My favorites :

SPOT ON.

This photo does not do the look justice watch it on the youtube video and cargo pants will make you go like "yeah!"

Each piece is pretty amazing as a standalone but i dig the look too. its proportioned pretty cool.

I want to dress like this if i lived in berlin and gave lectures in a university.

Fur Collar.

VIDEO:

BABBLE

School starts tomorrow. Im happy. Im going to have one of those creative semesters where i will be given allot of opportunity to create some manifestation of my many ideas. that makes me happy.My thoughts becoming physical. Progression is happiness. Boredom is misery. people do stupid shit when their bored. or they think too much and let stupid thoughts into themselves. Dont be mental slut. Dont let so many thoughts into you unless your able to discern between what thoughts pertain to your relevance.

Thoughts are the most important thing. they make up your life. what you choose to think about is what i would characterize as a good barmoter to measure how happy you are. People let alot of stupid shit into their head. Thoughts that mask themselves as something profound or beautiful. ~allot of people have the mind of like naive vapid 17 year old girl who dates like a guy with blonde hair who is 19 and has a name like dylan or justin, and dylan/justin influences girl into something that he can manipulate and get his way. mental rape.

it's harder then it sounds but pick the thoughts you want to think about. dont date dylan/justin. Don't let yourself be mentally raped, choose and accept a thought as if that choice will make up the rest of your life. But still aim to think, question, and open up to new things in the process. CATS

when i wanted to be a stylist ate Ricky

This was two years ago when i was in my~ "i'm going to be a stylist phase"

Say hi to korean punk

So korea does have a punk scene but it's very small and kind of like Fragmented and doesn't really have much of a collective identity ( in terms of what they stand for)

not really as established as say punks scenes in Japan or malaysia.

Which is weird because korea honestly has all the ingredients for M A S S I V E punk movement. Very conservative society. Benal. Alienation through societal pressures. CORRUPTION. bullies. None sense. TEMPER.

Say hi to cute korean punks and song by crying nut :)

pen sex ate ricky

My new Style inspiration Ate Ricky

His name is Humberto Leon. Co owner of opening ceremony. I like this outfit bc the shirt is like kind of china town style but paired with khakis it looks sharp.
Tucking in T-shirt into jeans :)


I LOVE HIS JEANS and style bc its like simple and manly but each item is interesting and kinda gay ( i think he is gay) he doesn't look like over the top or TOO like "IM INTO FASHION" style

Korean Angry Chick Music Ate Ricky

I like this song. Also my lover sang this at karaoke bar. I like this song.

Grey Swan Ate Ricky

I watched black swan yesterday.

It was a bit....sensationalized at times( but still good). I thought mila kuunis and creepy ballet instructor guy's acting was average. Like I wish they got someone more charming and like more suave to play the creepy russian ( or maybe he was french....) he was kinda too vanilla.

Mila played the crazy bitch role ( with cliche back tattoo) well, but i dont think she coudl keep up wit Nat.

Nat Portman <3>

The movie made me think about the duality in all people. We all play a sort of White and Black Swan character, no? ( i'm like so deep right now)

For me my white swan is asian boy in business who gels his hair and wants to $$$$ and be like power boy in suit who drives fast car. And then my............ ( this sounds soooo funny)....... "black swan" is hedonistic punk poser side who wears black and leather.

I am very cliche and lame but in the end we all our. and I will be the first to admit i am a loser :D But i'm also smart and pungent like curry. Everyone seeks to please and gain acceptance. I think its more lame when people try to fool themselves into thinking that their truly being innovative and like one of a kind trendsetter ( in vancouver especially).

but i admit i am trying to combine both and as you say "mix black and white."

Last summer i went to this business dinner auction things and wore like nice grey suit and smiled and ate like steak. Then left early and got my friend to pick me up and changed in bathroom stall ( like clark kent) into my like "fashion style" gear lol....and went to this like club that was an abandoned hotel. Me and Brenda left early and like went to this park and nearly got assaulted by these drunk teens ( total fetal alcohal syndrom cases). we missed our buss and like stayed up all night and had wild love session. jk.

Say hi to white swan...i hope i don't turn psycho

Say hi to korean selca

Robyn Ate Ricky

This song is very "fabulous" but it's actually layered with this bit of longing that i really like. i prefer robyn over say kylie or madonna bc her genre is very gay and glittery but she has that bit of outsider appeal, ya know. let's be honest she's not the prettiest girl, but that's why i like her. And none of that it's bc " i can relate to her bc she's like everyone else" bs.

-When she sings about being neglected or trying to fit in amidst the sea of made up face and good bone structure i believe her .

Here is my fave track "call your girlfriend."

Call Your Girlfriend by robyn

i get sad listening to this bc I dont think he will be making that phone cal.

mari ate ricky

I think the only way someone can get away with hip style nowadays without it comin across as obnoxious is when they have an accent.

This girls name is mari j brooklyn. I think she's adorable.

III: Mari J Brooklyn, Part 1 from Swagger on Vimeo.

Here she is talkin about how she used to dress sexy for the boys and stopped bc "its stupid" *insert head jilt*

Mari J Brooklyn from Stylelikeu.com from Stylelikeu on Vimeo.

IM actually really grateful that starte dthis blog so i have somewhat of a reference point of different thoughst ive had that had led me twards this point. Its funny i think im constantly confilcted between different sides of msyelf. thes sid eof me that knows that the best way is to kep it simple but teh otehr side that jsut geos and destroys it all with it uneccessery beligerence and excess. Im tired of second guesssing msyelf in my choice and the way i lead my life. im gald that i have the freinds in my life that have alwasy told me the sole truth that i am just one man and i am nothing more without the simplistic nature of love and virture. I wonder howe far i can keep writing this, it hard trying not to edit yourself and just freew rite and see what geos out of your mouth. Currnetly in my room figureing out what im going to be wearing tommorow and it makes me wonder baout many things. I always think that im somebody that can be easily read form teh outisde bc im notthe most the stable person. I fluctuate day ina and day out. it is my achilese heel but at the same time i think it is the sole thing that makes me truly special. my sesitivity and proness to please others and evolve to their tastes to see life throught their perspectives. Bye

Quote of the day Ate Ricky

Create your own visual style…let it be unique for yourself and yet unidentifiable for others

Orson Welles

Noma Han Ate Ricky

I think him and daul kim would have been really good friends.

VNFOLD - ISSUE III - LAST DAY PARADE BY CHRISTOPHER STARBODY from VNFOLD on Vimeo.

Not A Bad life Ate Ricky

Like in TV

I need good people in my life right now.

“Shall we dance?” ate Brenda

nouvelle vague "dance with me"+

Godard’s bande a part (band of outsiders) +

Anna Karina (my fav french new wave actress)

“Let's dance little stranger

Show me secret sins

Love can be like bondage

Seduce me once again

Burning like an angel

Who has heaven in reprieve?

Burning like the voodoo man

With devils on his sleeve

Won't you dance with me

In my world of fantasy

Won't you dance with me

Ritual fertility”

Remember the last time someone ask you to dance?

Did that make you fall like an angel from heaven to earth?

Did you resent your fall to a secret sinner?

After all, do you think it’s all worth it ?

Or, you will take it as a joke and laugh it off?

Video Ate Brenda

Disclaimer( Turn up the volume or listen with headphones)

So this is a video of Brenda played to THE MFA's "The Difference it Makes" ~ yay video making.